Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I'm Not Okay. I Promise.
Music: Lips Of An Angel- Hinder
Mood : Let's just say i'm misery's company right now.
Helloz.
Again... a month after my last real post. Have just been lazy. That's about it.
I'm on my break now so i decided to update just to pass the time by.
Trials. In a nutshell, all the effort went down the drain. I really don't want to get to the point of giving up but seriously, its pushing me there. Piano exam = A foreseen failure. Trust me.
I've been.... pretty much miserable, to cut straight to the point. Yeah, i don't seem it sometimes but i'm so close to just breaking down. Oh wait a minute, i've done that. About a million and one times. Its just easier to let go at night when i'm all alone and just by "myself". Makes it easier to get up the next morning, to keep going for classes, to keep on learning and keep going on with my life. Although all i really wanna do is just stay in bed and forget the world. Forget everything. Well, everything bad at least.
I know its not right to be this down but i'm just lost. Not knowing where to go, where to turn. I can't run from it and i definitely can avoid it. I just have to face it head on and suffer. It aches to think that all i've been doing are mistakes. Mistakes i can't undo.. no matter how much i want to. Mistakes that just causes trouble to everyone around me. Be it my parents, my family, my loved one, my friends (although i pretty much doubt so coz they don't really see much of me) or even myself (most obviously).
I need a miracle. A real one. Not false hopes to just wallow in self-pity again and again and again. I can't handle it. Oh, and i know this is a bunch of shit so just click the cross button up there anytime now. I need help from Him. Real bad.
And for people still reading, i have only watched one episode but grey's anatomy is awesome. Haha. And i've finished OTH finally!!!! So bring in the new seasons of tv, people. I need something to indulge in so that i stop putting myself down for a while, as Aston says. Oh well, at least for a while, right?
Cheers.
xoxoxo
i spilled my heart at
11:38 AM
