Sunday, October 15, 2006
Case of The Blues and Maybe's.
Hi.
The end of the holidays have finally come. Back to school. Frustrations and stress that i have to deal with.. at double the amount. Absolutely perfect, isn't it.How on earth can i get myself together? Anyone with an answer, PLEASE let me know. Because i have absolutely no frickin' idea.
I even have no idea for what i feel. I'm numb but i feel everything. I'm frozen yet i feel every spark and flame that ignites in me. Just sitting back and taking everything. That is what i seem to be doing. I have no other approach. I guess that's why i'm messed up. I don't know what to do about what i feel. Or what i think i feel. Am i suffering? I guess. Am i repairing myself? I seem to be going back to square one. Am i being a selfish bitch? Yes, i really think so.
I am supposed to open up. To let some of these feelings out. Coz maybe they're just too trapped in me that i don't know how to feel. But everytime i try, the words just tangle themselves around my tongue and just slips right back in.
And you know what the weirdest thing is about all this. I am not angry at anyone else. Maybe i'm angry at myself. Maybe i just blame myself too much until even my own self hates me. I mean, heck, i can't even cry anymore. If i do, they're forced tears. And this is my body's way of revenge. I can't even release myself the way i usually do. Maybe, i should love myself more. Maybe that's the cure.
And again, i have no idea how to do that. Anyone with ideas? Anyone?
~Shaira~ xoxoxo
i spilled my heart at
10:34 AM
