Sunday, February 25, 2007
It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.
Ellos.
It has been a week since we left KL for Sydney. The holidays feel like a blur and sometimes it doens't feel like we left.
Although school only starts in a week, i had to leave earlier coz i have to attend this study preparation program at Uni. Basically, it feels like Foundation English express. The times i have nearly dozed off. Countless. It can get so dull until the extent of me thinking what on earth is the point. But, i haven't missed a day or a class and i have 3 days + orientation next week. And school will start on the following monday.
Honestly, i haven't a clue of what to expect. Nothing has been enlightening me. Whether it will be a better year. Whether i will look forward to anything here. All i know is, money will definitely be a HUGE issue. Which means i must look for a job. I just need that extra bit of money. But where on earth can i find a job that i will LIKE and does not need EXPERIENCE? Omg, the possibilities deceive me.
To add on top of this huge pile of sacrifices, i have to travel to school and it takes me like an hour. Which isn't so bad because class starts at 9am. But i will have classes that start at 8!!! I seriously need to find a way to fix it up, no matter how small the adjustment. Otherwise, i'll just have to force myself i guess. I just hate to end up concluding of what's the point. Again.
Maybe there are things that i have let go off. (And NO Nadh i won't blog about that :P) But the misery that still stirs around my head revolves aroung a whole lot of other thoughts too. Which is why this blog has to remain like this. I am not going to lie to myself and write about how life is a bloody bed of roses. Because it never is. But, i should be positive. And be confident. And have all of those happy happy joy joy elements on which it has been a while since i have succumbed to them. Guess it has never been my nature. So, here's to a change of nature. Omg, the possibilities deceive me again.
Sometimes, i can't really remember when i was a lot happier. Maybe it wasn't just happiness. It was comfort. And warmth. That i got everyday. And that i will always be thankful for. So where is that warmth and comfort that i used to have in myself?Maybe it just shows how weak i am to not even try and generate it into me again. And i end up boring you all with my epitome of wretchedness. Sorry again.
Maybe it's just the emo weather that makes every little bit hurt. So, i'll stop now. So everyone hurry up and update! Lazyness is not healthy. Haha. ;P
Cheers.
i spilled my heart at
2:06 PM
